chrisjohnstone

I am, once again, a student of Melbourne University.

I was successful in applying to do a Post Grad Cert in the Teaching of Shakespeare. I am not sure successful is the right term to use. I spoke to the unit chair before enrolling and got the distinct impression that if I put in my name I would get in – the numbers often didn’t fill. I leave out this part when telling people at work that I am doing it. I usually hit the fact that it is run by the Royal Shakespeare Theatre Company more with them too. It sounds better.

So I had to go to the campus today. I had completed this intricate internet dance with the uni’s enrolment system and come out the other end a little dizzy but mostly unscathed. This meant I could go and pick up my student card. Now there was no real reason for me to do this yet. I don’t need to be on campus before my course, use the library, photocopiers or purchase textbooks. Essentially, I guess it might seem that I am excited to begin the course. The truth is I am. I love working through Shakespeare and I am looking forward to teaching it better and being able to pick the brains of the experts. But the reason I was so keen to get my student card is for all the discounts!

Cheaper movie tickets. This is the main benefit of being a student of this prestigious organisation again. I want to go and see Avatar next week. I also intend on finding the time to see Where the Wild Things Are, Sherlock Holmes and any other film that takes my fancy during the holidays – having the children cared for is the condition on this. I do not want to pay full price for these outings.

Going to the flicks (as my mother calls it) is expensive and going to a 3D film seems to be even more expensive. I often won’t buy a snack to enjoy during the film because I don’t want to go over the $20 mark. I am aware this seems a little stingy to some but I really can’t justify spending over twenty dollars to see a film. Occasionally I will lash out and get a choc top and on the rare occasion I have been to Gold Class I do go all out – popcorn, drink, choc top and even, on occasion, potato wedges.

But now that I am studying again I intend to gorge myself and indulge in all the salty, sugary and sweet treats that I have denied myself all these years. I really do believe that this is perhaps something I did not appreciate when I was studying the first time around. I need to spread the word to all my students who have just finished and are about to start uni.

Anyway enough frivolity. I need to start reading some plays. I’m not sure the graphic novel versions count but I think I will start there – I am on holidays after all.

Right. Let me get this out of the way and hopefully this will be the last Tw$^*#ht related post (at least until I'm incensed by some other little related tidbit or until the next stoopid movie comes out). So, this was the last promised list of...

1. He's got long hair :)
2. It's not real :(
3. He had to cut the hair in order to be a werewolf??(where the hell did that rule come from??) :(
4. He was the only character in Twilight with anything resembling a personality :)
5. He was the only character in Twilight with anything resembling a sense of humour :)
6. He became a werewolf and lost his personality :(
7. He became a werewolf and lost his sense of humour :(
8. He became a werewolf and gained angst :(
9. Fleas :(
10. and abs :)
11. He can fix things (well, bikes and pick-up trucks anyway) :)
12. He likes Bella (come on!) :(
13. He doesn't bother kissing her despite multiple opportunities :) (Heh, heh)
14. He's hot :)
15. He's barely legal :(
16. He can climb walls in multiple bounds and with some help from trees and other structures :)
17. He uses the word marshmallow as an insult :) (thanks Borpster) :)
18. He looks totally cute in his shirt and tie all scruffy (awwww) :)
19. He, as yet, has not punched big haired sparkly guy right in his stupid head :(
20. He, as yet, has not kicked big haired sparkly guy square in the nuts :(
21. He is perfectly capable of both these things, as he proved by kicking SNL Kanye's arse :)
22. He's got too much muscle :(
23. I've heard he uses a small child to do some printing in one of the other books :(
24. If he grows himself some real long hair and keeps it, all shall be forgiven
25. If he manages the above, he may keep the muscles as a reward but really should turn back into skinny weedy guy :)
26. If he doesn't manage the above, he'll have to keep the muscles since he's turned into too much of a pretty boy :(

Er, I think that's about it. It's so much easier with the characters that you hate 100%. So, no more of this twaddle for the rest of the year at least. Did you know there is even an umbrella and cushions and dolls of course, but cushions??! Come on. Ridiculous. I'm off to do some Christmas shopping now. Ooooh yes. That little slice of hell called Christmas shopping. Why do I do this to myself every year, when every year around August I start thinking, "I should look around for Christmas presents so I don't have to worry about it at Christmas". Why? Why? Oh by the way, for those that are interested, that thing on my leg is still there. It’s still red and still itchy. I think Ivan’s right, it’s probably a bite of some sort. I’ll keep you posted. I’m sure you’re all excited.

 

(Via andrewducker sarahs_muse)

Converting prose to the screen. A perilous art, and one that intrigues me. I even bought a copy of a big glossy paperback called something like "Brokeback Mountain: From page to screen" to see if they talked about how they did the conversion, but it hardly touched on the subject. Feh.

I'd actually read the short story 'Brokeback Mountain' before watching the film. Someone lent it to me as an example of how to convey powerful emotions through writing. I only read it once, and don't remember enough about it to say how well the film captured it, but one thing I do remember was that neither of the cowboys in the book were particular lookers, which makes casting Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger something of a Hollywood glamourisation.

I do imagine characters when I'm reading, but my mental pictures are seldom strong enough to survive the onslaught of a movie version, not unless the movie image is so very wrong that it can't overturn the original. Daniel Radcliffe has now overwritten my mental picture of Harry Potter, for example, because he's not too big a departure from it. My mental image of Lupin stands firm, however, because David Thewlis, and more specifically his terrible and wrong moustache couldn't shake it. The same goes for Slughorn. Jim Broadbent OH MY LORD NO.

Had they never made films of HP, I would have based my mental images on the first example of cover art I saw. This seems to be my usual practice when an image is available. Probably not a bad one, as a cover artist is presumable basing his/her drawing on the character's physical description in the text, whereas a director has to weigh up both resemblance to the text description and actual acting ability, and can't afford to (or at least shouldn't) weight the former too much over the latter.

Interestingly, if there are in-text illustrations, as is sometimes the case with children's books, I tend to default to those rather than the cover (unless I don't stumble upon an edition with in-text illustrations until well after I've worked from the cover of a non-picture edition). Hence Nicola Marlow and Momo are based on the cover art on my paperbacks, but the Pevensie children are based on the rather lovely in-text illustrations by Pauline Baynes. Which is why I am consistently aggrieved by the casting of Lucy in both the film and the TV series versions of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Lucy is a dainty blonde with pigtails, dammit! Pauline's pencil says so! Why, then, the succession of chubby-cheeked, short-haired brunettes? WHY? Nggggrrrh.

Speaking of Narnia, I hear that the film version of 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader', rescued from its original production company by another, will be released at the end of next year. A wise move, the rescue, as in my experience 'Voyage' is most people's favorite of the series. Me, I put it second*. Fond as I am of the quirky islands and the Silver Sea, for me they don't quite measure up to the prequellian glory of 'The Magician's Nephew'. I've always loved the Wood Between the Worlds (which spawned in me a love of in-between places), and the creation scene and its aftermath are wonderful (can't go past creation energy so strong that inanimate objects start sprouting!). Then there's the marvellously creepy Charn and its waxworks, its depiction of 19th century London, plus a touch of the cross-cultural when Jadis goes from one to the other. Not to mention the crafty way he explains lamp-post, wardrobe and White Witch in one fell novel. Well played, Clive. Though I admit I've always wondered whether even a magical Narnian apple-tree could possibly have enough wood in it to make an entire wardrobe...

*Then there's the Pilgrim, who is the only person I've ever met whose favorite is 'The Horse and his Boy'.

 
Here's a few things you might like to read.  

• #nocleanfeed - a bit of a technical description of the problem
  http://thorfinn.livejournal.com/53208.html
  ...if people access illegal content using non-encrypted communications, that is a good thing. Why? Because that means your ISP can actually detect them and send the information to law enforcement agencies. That sort of thing is common practice within the ISP industry already. All that implementing a net filter would do is force people actually doing illegal things to get clever and use encryption technologies like the above, rather than leaving at least some of them out in the open as they are now...
• Conroy Releases Internet Filter Trial Report, Dooms Us All
  http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2009/12/conroy-releases-internet-filter-trial-report-dooms-us-all/
  This afternoon, Senator Conroy released the reports on his internet filtering trial study. Despite the fact that the report sounds like the trial was a rousing success, the truth is that despite the spin, the report doesn't give enough evidence that a mandatory filter of the internet is a viable solution...
• Our views on Mandatory ISP Filtering
  http://google-au.blogspot.com/2009/12/our-views-on-mandatory-isp-filtering.html
  At Google we are concerned by the Government's plans to introduce a mandatory filtering regime for Internet Service Providers (ISP) in Australia, the first of its kind amongst western democracies. Our primary concern is that the scope of content to be filtered is too wide...
• Great Firewall of Australia will nationally block sites appearing on a secret, unaccountable list
  http://www.boingboing.net/2009/12/17/great-firewall-of-au-1.html
  ...this national censorship plan will do little to curb child pornography and crime (because people who seek out that sort of thing can always get around filters), but it will give unaccountable government bureaucrats the power to secretly and arbitrarily hide information from Australians...
• Net censorship move a smokescreen: expert
  http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/net-censorship-move-a-smokescreen-expert-20091216-kw7d.html
  One of Australia's top communications experts says the Government's internet censorship trials were designed to succeed from the outset, presented no new information and are now being used by the Government to further its political agenda...
• How to easily bypass Australia's internet filters for free
  http://blogs.smh.com.au/gadgetsonthego/archives/2008/11/how_to_easily_bypass_australia.html
  The Federal government intends to waste millions of dollars on ISP-level content filtering which can be bypassed at the push of a button...
• Fcuk Conroy, Fcuk Rudd, Fcuk Censorship
  http://unclecaine.wordpress.com/2009/12/16/fuck-conroy-fuck-rudd-fuck-censorship/
  Sure, you might know the difference between browsers and be able to check your email form any computer, but how do you get access to the information, entertainment and juicy porn your black'n'twisty lil' heart desires? Well, my interwubs-loving friends, it really is pretty damn easy. And I'm such a lovely person that I'm going to show you how...
• If You Hate The Idea Of A Filtered Internet, You Should Probably Sign This?
  http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2008/11/if_you_hate_the_idea_of_a_filtered_internet_you_should_probably_sign_this/
  ...if you want to let the Government know what a bunch of tossers they are being by proceeding with live trials, even when all the closed trials results should have shouted out in big red letters: ?THIS ISN?T GOING TO WORK?, the GetUp.org is calling for you to sign their petition...
• Bernard Keane's guide to writing to Ministers
  http://www.crikey.com.au/2009/12/16/dont-waste-your-time-waste-theirs-a-guide-to-writing-to-ministers/
  If your first instinct upon hearing about the Rudd-Conroy plan to censor the internet is to email Stephen Conroy, your local member and Labor senators from your state to protest, wait up. Or, in fact, do it anyway, then read this...
• Contact details: Senator the Hon. Stephen Conroy
  http://www.minister.dbcde.gov.au/contact

 
Shearwater--In the Mountain Laurel

( Lyrics )

Oh and sorry I'm a bit slack on the comments today. There's 6% left on my battery so I'll be back tomorrow. Night, night.

Look. Look!!!
Ouchy. And it's itchy too. It wasn't there this morning (there is on my leg by the way). I can't remember hitting it on anything or pinching my leg in any doors. Weird. I'm looking out for signs of meningitis but I'm pretty sure it's just a strange sort of bruise. It is raised though, and itchy.

I just got home from the work Christmas party. Woooooooooo. What an afternoon of entertainment. Wooooohoooo. Let's see, where shall I start? We were promised canapes and canapes we got, but I thought at least a few of them would be slightly substantial. No such luck. Delicate little things that wouldn't even have satisfied a mouse. Not a sausage roll or party pie in sight. Boo hiss. No hot food at all. So that was the food. There was drink I guess. I didn't have any alcohol, just orange juice which got me quite adequately hyper. This was why when a certain professor got up to belt out a few Christmas carols, I felt so bad that no one was joining in that, once my giggling fit was over, I decided to try and get at least the back row to join in. Well, there was a bit of singing and a lot of pretending to be swaying cigarette lighters going on. That was fun.

Diriam won Australian Idol - the Cochlear Implant Reality version. There were three groups singing songs which were put through a simulator. This simulator simulates the sound that is heard by someone implanted with a cochlear implant. It's really interesting to hear. You can make out individual words but there is absolutely no distinction of tone. Imagine Stephen Hawking's monotone voice thingy, talking, underwater. That's a pretty close description I'd say. I think most lay people would imagine that the cochlear implant is a magic device that makes you hear normally. It is an incredible achievement to make deaf people hear but we really have a long way to go when it comes to things like music appreciation and even hearing well in noisy environments. Man, I've gotten all serious. I think the sugar has worn off.
So Diriam right. That was me, Borpster and our new office mate singing Mahna Mahna via the CI simulator. We totally beat the other 2. One was a Fergie song and I can't remember the other. Then the lights came back on and people started either leaving or playing Wii games. And that was that. The last work related Christmas party for this year.

That thing is still really itchy. I don't know if that's because I'm leaning on it or what. Ow.
So you know what I was going to write about? I could see some lovely clouds approaching as I turned the computer on and thought I'd put my semester of Meteorology to good use and give you some fun meteorology related facts. I might do that tomorrow. I'm not sure whether to concentrate on storms and tornadoes, or various winds, or go through clouds, or perhaps even some of the wonderful visual effects of the atmosphere. So much brilliant stuff to choose from. I often wish I'd continued to do another year of it but I found out it required more Physics. Not such a good idea when I just passed newby Physics. I was brilliant at pracs (if I do say so myself) but when it came to remembering equations for exams...no.

It’s cold.

I have a theory. It’s a little way out there so hold onto your socks (I know you have sock on – its cold).

Whenever there is a really hot day we all complain right? Well all this complaining sends negative energy into this river underground. It’s all pink and oozy and as we get more negative it gets more pink and oozzy... ummm I feel like I have told this story before... Never mind – it’s Ghostbusters II. My mistake.

But it is weird isn’t it. The last few times we have had a 40 degree or there about day it has been followed by a string of cold wet days. I’m not talking about the usual weather cycle here where there is a cool change I am talking about dramatic swings. So now to the real theory:

I’m pretty sure there is this guy who has a Scottish accent that is really rich and has made a machine that controls the weather. He is hoping I am sure to destabilize the global economy and make money through the stock market as a result. Of course he hasn’t counted on Uma Therman and me finding his lair and coming to get him in these massive inflatable balls... I have done it again haven’t I?

It makes you think these rapid changes in the weather though. I saw this homeless guy at the library today trying to take his dog into the foyer to get out of the rain. The cop there said no and then he saw this massive tidal wave coming so lost focus and the dude stole some hotdogs and ran into the library just before the tidal ... I must be stuck in a crazy loop.
I have been watching too much TV. It’s like my life is a TV show sometimes. The other day I was going into town and this light fell from the sky – it was weird. So I decided to battle a storm to get to the edge of the sea and then Ed Harris spoke to me as if he was the voice of God. Whoops...

I am going to keep doing this for the remaining words so if you haven’t stopped reading yet feel free to now.

Each day when I sit down to write this post it is sort of like I have done this before. Then I go and have a piano lesson, try to save an old man from dying and have a date with Annie McDowell which usually ends badly accept for this one time when I am just myself and not fake... I feel like I have written that before! It’s just like that movie you know the one where that guy has a piano lesson, tries to save an old man from dying and has a date with Annie McDowell every day. It’s a special day. The day just isn’t about this guy who has a piano lesson, tries to save an old man from dying and has a date with Annie McDowell every day. It’s a special day. Ahhhh it will come to me...

 
this song has been on my mind the last few days. my life is echoing the last time it saw heavy play.

pretty good year--tori amos


i've had worse years than this. 1996/7, for instance. gods help me.

 

Warning: some triggery violence in comic setting.

Death By Spoon!
The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon, by Richard Gale
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y (via lord_caramac)

This just popped up:

$10 coupon for your friends!
http://community.livejournal.com/paidmembers/23977.html
If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can now send 10 of your non-Paid friends a $10 coupon. Your friend will be able to purchase a Paid Account for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25).

• All Paid and Permanent accounts can send out the coupons by clicking here (it's also under Friends -> Holiday promotion in the site header)
• You can also send to people not on your Friends list by manually entering the username in the field provided
• If your friend declines the invitation, it will be returned to your available invitation pool and you'll be able to send to someone else
• You can send the invitations until January 15th

As I have a Paid account, if you don't, and you'd like one of these coupons, please leave a comment in this post. First 9! (One's already gone.)

 
Peter Gabriel & Anne Sexton--All my Pretty Ones on Mercy Street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y5KELHc0Hw

Only in this hoarded span will love persevere.
Whether you are pretty or not, I outlive you,
bend down my strange face to yours and forgive you.

So it was friggin’ hot today. What does one choose to do on a day when it is almost forty degrees? I took The Boy to see a live show of Thomas The Tank. Why do I do these things to myself? Most parents had the good sense to say: “It’s too hot, it’s free and it will be on three time again tomorrow,” but not me. We sat in the baking sun eating an ice cream only slightly faster than it melted before our eyes and then the show began.

The synthetic grass was itchy. The guy (he was called Tim) was obviously not happy in his three piece suit and station master cap. The girl (didn’t catch her name) also seemed a little sweaty. But worse of all the Fat Controller was dripping wet. His fat suit must have made the temperature he was experiencing just tremendous. All of them sung and danced but you could tell on their faces that they wanted each child in the audience to spontaneously combust.

Part way through a girl came around and asked us if The Boy would like to go up on stage to help in the show. I knew if he did he would get this show bag thing (I had seen the girl put them off to the side before the show) but I also knew it was three in the afternoon and this was his quite time. He might get grumpy or have a little sook at the suggestion. So far he had refused to stand up and chug like a train (this involved moving your hands in a circular motion by your sides) or to blow his whistle (this involved pulling an imaginary chord above your head and saying ‘Peep! Peep!’). So I said thank you but he is a bit shy and she moved on. Of course when it came to the people participating he probably could have done it – it was pretty easy. At the end of the show he ran up on the stage (which was allowed) to meet Thomas and the Fat Controller. I could tell the Fat Controller was about to drop.

After this we had a look around Waterfront City shopping centre. It was a ghost town. I bet the shop keepers are pissed about the big wheel. It was hot but the tourists should have been all over this place.

There was a Thomas The Tank train ride going around the mall so we had another experience with the train which was probably more successful than the show to be honest.

I made the mistake of taking The Boy into the Toy World Outlet store. We have to get a present for his cousin’s birthday. The age guidelines on toys are so ridiculous. In the end we couldn’t find anything he would like that his mum would let him have because it was for his age range. The Boy however had found a car he wanted. I wasn’t willing to argue the point.

It’s hard to keep your cool when kids don’t behave. It’s harder to keep your cool in the heat. The Boy wasn’t well behaved for the remained of the outing and screamed at me in the car all the way home.

I’m tired. I don’t feel like writing a blog entry today and the above is why. I hope you all understand.

Wahey. I thought I should sneakily blog now at work as I may or may not have reached my throttle limit at home what with being on YouTube constantly.

Ah, but the problem...apart from some very boring work details, I got nothing. Well, I did make some pretty graphs and now I'm taking a break before I start on the statistics program. I can't choose between SPSS and Minitab. I have SPSS on my computer and sort of have a bit of an idea how to use it. Alternatively, everyone seems to love Minitab but it's not on my computer and would mean standing up, walking out the door, making a sharp right hand hook turn into the microscope room and logging in to the computer that does have Minitab on it. I used to have Sigmastat which was so simple to use but now that I belong to the University Sigmastat is probably too expensive.
Well, I think I've done my duty in the boring blog stakes. A mini update on my statisitcs program woes. The only path down from there is to talk about the actual statistics and, to be quite frank, I don't have that much antipathy for my readers or for the human race for that matter.

I found out some exciting news a few weeks ago. Season 1 of Malcolm in the Middle is now out on DVD in hte US (so hopefully won't take too much longer to get here). I know this may not be very interesting to most people so perhaps I should explain. There are not a lot of shows I can list that have caused me to snort food or drink out of my nose and cry with laughter. Malcolm in the Middle is one of those shows. In particular, there was a scene from one of the episodes in the first season that was a bunch of flashbacks. It showed why the family was so well known in the emergency department of their local hospital. They were all pretty funny but the final one had a bike resting upside down on its handlebars. Reece (the second eldest child) was spinning the wheel furiously and it ended with the camera zooming in to Dewey (the youngest) his mouth wide open going in for a bite of the spinning tyre. It was beautiful. One of the best executed visual gags I've ever seen, with perfect music to accompany it. I was eating spaghetti at the time and yes, it did come out of my nose.
One of the reasons it has taken so long is thanks to problems getting the rights to all the music that was used in the show. If you were a fan, you'd know that the music choices were so well suited to the scenes that it's hard to think of them being replaced by a similar-but-different copy.
So there you go. MITM fans rejoice. Now we just need someone to release Daria on DVD and the world will be set to rights.

I love sending mail. If you would like a letter from me from across the seas please send me a message with your postal address and so shall it be.

And so the penguin looked at me and then I knew I had gone too far...

This is one of the prompts I often use with students for creative writing. I have been looking at it for the last fifteen minutes and I have nothing. I think I have given away all of my creativity over the years.

I am guilty of all the poor excuses young people make when they have to do creative writing:

“When I am under pressure I can’t come up with something that is any good.” So I say don’t put a filter on your ideas. Don’t worry about good or bad just let yourself do a mental vomit and then pick out the carrots later. It’s a fairly revolting image but you can see how it tends to work for boys particularly. But I realise that for those of us who just cant deal with failure this is not the right response. I find myself having the inner dialogue and coming up with a number of retorts. “Why would I want to pick out regurgitated carrot pieces? Its not like I would eat them again – it’s still vomit.” “I really don’t want to vomit onto the page. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth and it smells too.” “It’s vomit – there isn’t anything in there that can be salvaged – I’m not a baby eagle.”

“Don’t think. Just write the first thing that comes to you.” The first thing that comes to me in these situations is: I CAN’T FUCKING THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE!!! I am an intelligent and well read individual. I have a creative mind (well I used to). I can observe things in the real world and draw conclusions about the nature of mankind. Why the hell can’t I put all of this to use in the construction of a narrative with interesting characters and plot points. So how can I expect young individuals with half the experience and knowledge as me to do this thing that is so difficult.

“No one will judge you on what you write.” Bullshit! They will. People are judging you all the time and most of the time they think you are a dick! This is of course the truth – don’t try and deny it. Most of what we all write (that included the professionals as well by the way) is absolute bollocks. The fact is that to write professionally you have to churn out so much crap and then pick through it to find something that is salvageable. There are those few rare individuals who then hit on a formula or style that allows them to churn out a number of masterpieces. This is not the case for most of us. And the truth is that if an idea doesn’t explode with such force inside your brain that it has to be put on paper you can’t force something out of quality.

“It’s about the process not the outcome.” This one is true in the classroom but what happens when it is about the outcome? What happens when your aim is to produce something that entertains? What happens when you want to be published? In the classroom it is all about expression, self exploration, practice of a skill.

Maybe I need to realise that I have not moved all that far beyond the classroom.

Thanks Borpster. I did indeed forget two other unusual incidences but I didn't really see them as supernatural. More like stupid leg syndrome and alien abduction.

The alien abduction (or as Borpster has now decided, the demon possession) was indeed strange. I shall start at the beginning. On the morning of the abduction (sorry, possession), I got a paper cut (ouchy). That was all normal and fine but I soon forgot about it. Which is why later, when I was using some alcohol on a bench, I forgot to protect the cut and got some alcohol on it (super, super, super ouchy, like white hot pain). OK, now flash forward to night. I wake up and find my finger is hurting. I'm thinking that it's hurting because it is rubbing on the bedclothes so I decide to get a bandaid. I look at the clock and it's, let's say, 2:17am (it was 2 something but I can't remember exactly). So I got up and went off to the laundry to get a bandaid (it's a short walk, maybe 15 seconds). But when I got to the laundry I had a dizzy spell and had to perch on the arm of a chair for a second to steady myself. I felt better in a minute and proceeded to the laundry to grab a bandaid and went straight back to my room. No more than 5 minutes could possibly have elapsed but when I looked at the clock it was 2:40am (well, roughly something just over 20 minutes had elapsed). Other than the clock malfunctioning or me having fallen asleep on the side of the chair (if I had I would have toppled because I was only leaning on it not sitting), the only explanation is alien abduction or demon possession.

The other one was the leg thing. That was kind scary for a second but later funny. I got up one day, walked a step or two then my legs just stopped working and collapsed under me. Really weird.

And now for the real time film review...

I'm watching Camp Rock. Oh yeah, that's right. I've got a pile of DVDs to watch including Oscar winners and critically acclaimed films but no, I'm watching Camp Rock. It's along the vein of all the High School Musical crap (I assume, as I've ever seen HSM in it's entirety, I just know there's a bunch of teenagers singing corny pop). Well, this little nugget of syrupy goo is basically a bunch of teenagers singing corny "rock". I say "rock" because it's Disney "rock" which is pop with electric guitar and faux attitude. Ooh, it's the Final Jam and now the Jonas brothers are of to do the final judging. Are we excited yet? Oh my god. The brunette chick is performing her song. She's defeated the evil bitchy blonde and now the real "rock" star has found "the voice" he's been looking for. Oh Christ, now he's singing with her. Someone get me a bucket.

Just saw this in the paper. Great stuff...

Vampires are monsters of the right; zombies are monsters of the left. Vampires are toffs; zombies are proles. Vampires are individualists; zombies are the mindless, nameless, faceless mob.Vampires are about hierarchies, tradition, bloodlines. They have mittel-European honorifics, live in castles, dress up and have manners...

Vampires are sexy. Zombies are not; they have poor personal hygiene. The vampire's bite is voluptuous and penetrative; the zombie just chomps down on foot, leg, hand, bum, nose--whatever comes within range, like a drunk teenager at a disco. Vampires are clever. Zombies are not. They want to eat your brains--but not to make themselves brainier; just to make you stupider. They want to bring you down to their level. Braaaaiiiinnnsss!

{ sauce -- well worth reading }

I have done absolutely nothing today. I have nothing to report. Things are fairly uneventful. How on earth am I going to pull five hundred words out of my bum? Well, there are some fairly banal things to report which I don’t think will be of interest to anyone – they are barely of interest to me:

Bland Fact The First
The VCE scores came out today. It is the first time in my teaching career that I have really had cause to follow this closely. Naturally I put a note on Facebook asking my students to let me know what they got. There were lots of pleasing results. I am genuinely pleased for the students who told me their scores – they all got enough to get into their courses. A couple got well over 90 and three of those I have heard from got over 40 for Lit which is gratifying. I worry a little about those I didn’t hear from. There were a couple who might not have taken a poor score well. There are also a couple who would perceive anything under 98 as a poor score. Hopefully I find out how they did through the grape vine. In retrospect I guess this wasn’t all that banal. It was really important that I know they did well and that I didn’t stuff up their chances due to my relative inexperience teaching senior levels but I feel much better now.

Seriously Boring Second Helpings
The smaller of my two dogs, Harry, has a growth on his leg. It’s about the size of a plum. He has had this for some time although it is now much larger. When we last had him groomed we found out about it. See he has rather shaggy hair which covered up this little bump. After a visit to the vet we were told to monitor it and apply a cream. We did this ... for a while but then a new baby was born and his hair got long and it was out of sight out of mind. I hadn’t noticed it as a result until last night just before he was due for his summer trim at the groomers. The Vet, today, said it has to come off. She said it was probably nothing but she would keep it in a tube and if it grows back or there are complications down the track we can run the labs on it then. I tell you having pity on the run of the litter is costing me a fortune with this dog!

Yet Another Pointless Anecdote To Stupefy
Last week I blew a tyre. It ended up that the whole wheel had to be replaced due to the massive pot hole I hit. This also means both tyres need replacing because you can’t have non-matching tyres on the same axle. After wheel balancing and alignment it turns out the back tyres are dead too so there goes a thousand dollars. The Boss and I are auditioning for Deal or No Deal in a few weeks so lets hope we win $100,000 like the woman today did. Mind you I would have stopped at $45,000 if I were her. Still it’s a good days earning.

And Lastly, Just To Put you To Sleep
I watch GI Joe today. It got canned by reviewers and the public alike but I quite enjoyed it. There wasn’t really a narrative to speak of or any character development and I was confused by the fact there wasn’t a character called Joe but lots of things got blown up and there were ninjas having sword fights in amongst the chaos so it was good. You should all go and see it if for nothing other than the cool effects and fight sequences. Don’t borrow a pirated version off someone you know. I am guessing after poor box office income they are really counting on the DVD sales and hire revenue.

I hear you all sleeping, no doubt bored by my post. Don’t blame me blame blogapalooza!